One of the greatest fears in human existence is that we are invisible, that our lives don’t matter. We spend most of our days struggling with the little details of our small lives. The thought that it is meaningless and unimportant is buried in the deep soil of daily denial. Being irrelevant is one of our deepest existential nightmares that usually plays out below the threshold of our conscious awareness. Secretly and not so secretly, everyone wants to be seen. We want our struggles to matter. It is one of the most powerful drives of the human condition. We want to be included. We want to be part of the whole.
It is very difficult to be whole, unless we are seen. Everyone wants to be valued and recognized for their unique contribution. This drive might be seen as apparently selfish and narcissistic, and yet when you really understand what makes human beings work, a deep compassion develops for this state of suffering. This drive to be seen comes from our search for love, our search for wholeness, our search for yoga. We all want to be witnessed by God, by the Divine Eye. We want our lives to be validated by God.
Wanting to be a yoga teacher unquestionably has this underlying drive. Right now in America, everyone and their cousin wants to be a yoga teacher, as quickly as possible. Everyone wants to be seen on the big stage as spiritual, loving and universally adored by one and all. This is the unspoken promise in yoga teacher trainings. There is a perception that yoga teachers are seen and loved. Yoga teachers live a life that makes a difference. All of this might become true, yet this drive to be seen has its dysfunctional extreme.
No where is it more evident than at a Yoga Journal Conferences and the many popular yoga conferences that have risen up everywhere in the country. As wonderful as it is to bring all these loving kindred spirits together to share their knowledge and their hearts, the shadow side of these conferences is the suffering involved in the cacophony of voices clamoring to be heard, to be seen. The search for love can reach a dysfunctional proportions as many try to elevate their self image in the eyes of others.
Calling
Every person yearns for a calling, a unifying purpose in their life. It is often associated with something that is “heard,” a spiraling vortex of meaning given to life. When this deep drive is activated, heaven and earth move. One views their self image as if their birth occurred in order to fulfill the calling. Underlying the myth of a yoga teacher is the desire to be part of a priestly caste, divine intermediaries in touch with the Spirit.
Calling has its shadow side. The calling of Dharma produces saints and martyrs. It produces both Osama Bin Laden and Mother Theresa. Calling entails a purpose from beyond and a blindness. In the yoga world, a teacher might practice a certain type of yoga based on a belief on a guru or the apparently elevated respect of a certain brand name of yoga. This trust is valuable and necessary, but it concomitantly produces a blind spot. It can lead to not paying attention to the results showing up. The belief in a certain guru or brand name of yoga may override Reality, the fact that very undesirable consequences may be coming out of that practice. (Refer to Yoga Journal, Mar 2000 (check date) “If yoga is so good for you, how come everyone is getting injured.”) Every yoga style and teacher has their pro and their cons and part of developing maturity as a yoga teacher is in keeping the big picture out of sectarian fundamentalism.
The power of calling needs to be moderated with mature discernment. A process whereby older systems and sequences can be evaluated outside of guru authoritarianism and a clear present assessment of its validity with in the vast complexity of human body types and unique situations. The answers will be as varied as they are different. The challenge for the yoga teacher is how to come out of oversimplification, to remain buoyant and not overwhelmed by the complexity of the science and art of being a yoga teacher.
Implications of this vision of Witnessed Significance and Calling
Step One: Recognize in yourself this drive for Witnessed Significance. Come to terms with this sub terrain motivation within your own self image. The desire to be a yoga teacher is a desire to be loved. It is part of the search for wholeness. It is both a powerful motivator that can draw one into a grand sense of wholeness. And trying to project a spiritual persona on the world can become a dysfunctional source of pain. One needs to be constantly on guard to protect and project ones desired “special image” on the general public. This is extremely stressful for many yoga teachers and anyone in the “spiritual business.” The agony and the ecstasy and all the stress that a narcissistic obsession can involve. The trap of being a “guru” ( literally, a teacher who leads people from the darkness to the light) is an emotional isolation. In the name of yoga, you may create internal psychic separation. This dichotomy of trying to manage all your personal incompletion, about all the things that “you should be” in the name of yoga engenders a neurosis. In its most extreme form is devolves a psychotic, sociopathic dual life. There is a way out of this.......
Step Two: Hold your self image lightly. Everyday. With humor. Keep moving in the direction you have chosen, and be willing to surrender and let go of the attachment to one’s persona. Do what you say you are going to do. Live your word.
Step Three: Learn the Names of your Students. Write them down. Repeat them many times, saying their name as often as possible, in class. Immediately get over the embarrassment of not knowing their name. When you have forgotten a name, ask it ASAP. Repeat it back. When a person asks a question in class, they may have an actual question or they may be partly motivated to be seen. If you don’t have the name or if it is a large group of hundreds of people, ask the name first, before going on to the answer.
Student: In Downward Dog, Where are the eyelets of the elbows pointing?
Teacher: Good Question! (She may not be asking a question) What’s your name?
Student: Mary
Teacher: Well Mary, yoga teachers have discussed this at great length, and there are many sides to this issue, Mary. So let me ask you Mary, what have your heard is the correct alignment?....” Etc.
Learning the names of your students is yoga. Immediately you create connection. The rewards are huge mentally, emotionally, personally, financially, spiritually. It helps the teacher come out their own narcissistic preoccupation and actively take an interest in others. Learning names is also fun. It is a game.
What is the greatest fear operating behind not knowing someone’s name? That you will look stupid or foolish. Get over it, now. Be willing to be the fool. Ask the name immediately when you don’t know.
Your job as a yoga teacher is to learn their name!!!!!!! It is a first essential step. When you know the name of a student, you will see their practice change. They are no longer invisible. They are seen. They suddenly become part of the group.
Of course getting all the names may not be possible, but having a large group doesn’t let you off the hook. Keep the intention that you are always working hard and paying attention to learning names.
Overcome the culturally prevailing belief
“I don’t remember names.”
That is a weak, dysfunctional and disempowered belief. Challenge it. The truth is that you just aren’t paying attention. Recreate a new intention and belief. “I do remember names.” “I work hard at remembering Your name.” “I want to know your name.” “I want to know who you are.” “I want to see you.” This is an act of Love.
All of this has to be done with a good heart and a genuine interest. The importance to learn names of course can become shallow and crass. Realign yourself to your highest intention with this aspect of being a teacher.
There are many tricks and mnemonics for making a connection and learning names:
1) Prepare before they walk into class or a workshop. Look at last week‘s class list of who attended or who is signed up for the workshop ahead of time.
2) Be relaxed, Meditate before class. Empty your mind of conversations and clutter so you can be present when they tell you their name.
3) Speak their name. Twice or more if you can.
4) Look into their left side of their left eye 80% of the time. Smile and activate your feeling centers. Get a felt sense for the person. (Brain discussion here)
5) Get other information about them. “ I am an ecological engineer designing computer assisted models managing water resources...” Ask a follow up question, if you can. When you start to get a story, you might be amazed at who is in your class. Personal narrative is the most powerful way to know someone.
6) See if there is some distinguishing facial feature. Can you write a “J” on Jane’s face? Is Rebecca’s hair red? Clothing isn’t as useful, cause people may take off their sweat shirt for example.
7) Look at their name on their card. Then look at their face.
8) Write their name
9) Repeat their names silently again when you are sitting up front. Repeat the names of the people who you don’t know. If there are mostly people you don’t know, don’t get scared and beat yourself up. Hold fast to the names you do know. Gradually add more to that group.
10) Welcome new people to the class by name. You will suddenly see their face brighten! “My God, in a class of 40 people, the teacher knows my name! I have been seen. I matter. My pathetic life is not in vain!” And then you’ll see how much more responsive that student is to your directions in poses. Watch how the group is suddenly with you because you made the effort to be with them, individually to know them.
11) When you know their name, you will begin to see more precisely their physical issues, their limitations, and their struggles with yoga. You will be more available to them as a teacher. “How’s your shoulder Melissa?” People are often shocked in disbelief, not only that you remembered their name, but took an interest to remember the pain that has been occupying the central place in their mind all week long. Learning names creates room bonding. Sociability. Friendliness. It breaks down the barriers that separate us. We call it Yoga. Teaching mantras